Nope... Still in the Closet..

That was a close one though... the door was open... I could see out.. Scared the shiz outta me. Slammed that door shut.

My lez friend Tino texted me. Started talking about Court... I drop hints. Say things. Flirt. Anyway, If Court doesnt know I want her... either shes an idiot, or I am just really good... I'm curious though, so I ask her if Court talks about me... Tino catches on, and kinda calls me out on it.. I panic.

I thought about telling her. Of all the people I know, she would understand the most... but I run into the problem I run into with everyone.. I dont trust them. It sounds harsh, and I dont mean it that way, but... I am boarder line paranoid. If I tell Tino, she will probably let it slip to court... maybe she wouldn't... she probably wouldn't. But there arent any guarantees. I need absolute certainty in my life. I cant afford to let people know. Especially when I plan on staying in my closet for the rest of my life. Nobody is perfect at keeping someone else's secrets. I can barely keep this one..

She asks me point blank. I write about 17 different messages to her. Erasing each immediately after I wrote it cause I couldn't bring myself to say anything... finally I just said no. I hate lying, but I had to.

I had to...

I'll tell her...She was right. Eventually... Just...Not yet. I can't. I tried. My head won't let me. And we all know how well my head and my heart get along..