Did I make a mistake?

Did I make a mistake? Part of me thinks I should've just been straight(pun?) with Tina from the start... It would've made everything so much easier for the both of us. And I say both of us, cause I feel like i've failed her a few times... just because im selfish and stupid.

Let's start at the beginning, then you will see... Ok, so you know Tina and I have been friends since high school. After I graduated, we kinda drifted apart, like everyone in high school does. I had only seen her in passing for a few years, everytime we both say we should hang out, but never do. You know how it goes. I graduated from high school in 2004. (Wow... I'm old..) December 2009 is when I heard that Tina had come out. It didn't really surprise me, but i had mixed feelings toward this. A part of me really wanted to call her up and hang out with her, but I was afraid that she might think I had ulterior motives, or that she would know that I had the same kind of feelings. Mostly I knew if I hung out with her, it would lead me into a place I wasn't ready for yet. -This was selfish. I didn't think about her situation. It didn't occur to me that she might need friends and support, I never thought that people would be hating on her. It only crossed my mind when she officially came out to me, she said she wasn't sure what I would think, she was scared that I was a hater. This kinda hurt, cause COME ON, I'm the most understanding person in the world. But it was my own fault... I'm just stupid.

Then again last weekend. I was supposed to go up there to hang out, but I ditched for a wedding. I could've gone. I should have. There was a bunch of PRIDE stuff goin on and shows and stuff I was supposed to take Courtney with me. Tino was all about us coming. She even offered to split gas. But i'm a bonehead, and didn't go. I didn't put two and two together- she just moved there, didn't have many friends, the weekend was an opportunity to go out and meet people and have a couple wingmen. I coulda helped a sister out, but im a selfish jerk and didn't go. Stupid.

I forget that other people are human. Human because they have feelings and fears and love, not because they are underhanded and manipulative.

The more I think about the more i'm convinced I should have just told Tino, that night in her room when she came out to me. I didn't because Court was there, I was afraid of what it would do to our relationship. Court said she thought I was a lesbian when she first met me anyway. Tino was surprised that I wasnt gay... They were both right. It's a vibe I give off. No one can tell me what it is exactly, but apparently, I scream Lesbo.

I had a conversation with Tina a little while ago.. She implied that she thought I was in love with Courtney... I still couldn't bring myself to let anything slip, so I said no. That I loved her, but wasn't IN love with her. I don't really know though, *I* haven't kissed her... not that i haven't come close.. Anyway, but I think since I said that, its given Tino free range on her. But this is good for me, cause I can't have her anyway... Maybe this will keep Court occupied a while.