Vando-over

Now that you have made it through that poorly written 5th grade ish rendition of "How I spent my spring vacation" ...Again I'm sorry you had to read that... you can enjoy a real post!

Driving to Van, I wasn't sure if I was more excited to see Claudia, or Angel...

I've been looking forward to this week for a month now, its nice to just get away away from Alberta and its religious oppression. Lol, ok, its not that bad. But I feel like I can do and say whatever I want out there.

The best part of this whole thing was that I got both needs filled... I really enjoy talking to Angel, and I can talk about things with her that I can't talk about to anyone else. And my relationship with Claudia is very physical... I've been lacking that lately. It just sucks that I can't get both from one person.. cause I can't talk to Claudia... and I really can't touch Angel.

To answer my ponderings of who I was more excited to see... when I saw Angel, I waited by my car for her to walk over, and we hugged. When I saw Claudia, I had just barely gotten out of my car, and she came out of her house, and smashed my hand and walked into my car door trying to get to her... Winner.

I wasn't actually that tired... but I faked tired just so I could cuddle with her on her bed. Pretty much ima ho. We just fit together so well. I curled up against her, she was lying on her back and I put my head on her shoulder. It felt so good... she started running her fingers along my skin, and I shivered. I believe her exact words were, "Yeah, I still remember" (Referring to her knowing just how to touch me) I love and hate that she knows... Again, She is very straight. Despite how I make it sound. There were moments that I wondered... but no. I missed sleeping(just sleeping) with her soo much. I was a little scared though... I really didn't want to, in some half asleep state, make any kind of move on her... So every night I would spend like 5 minutes, just telling myself that it was not ok to do stuff with her, and I made an effort to not cuddle her as much as I usually would/would like to. Not for any other reason really, than the fact that it would feel like I'm talking advantage of her. And I hate that thats a line I have to draw now.

My body temperature drops when I sleep, she apparently forgot this... its why we made such good bed mates- she is a furnace when she sleeps. One night she noticed how cold my skin was, and she is like 'whats wrong with you?' Now, I don't feel cold inside, and it doesn't bother me... i'm just cold to the touch. She wanted to warm me up, she she told me to turn around cause she was gonna spoon me. No one spoons me. It makes me feel uncomfortable... She did. She legit made me roll over and spooned me till she was satisfied that I wasn't dying. On another night, apparently I told myslef a little too well to leave her alone, cause subconsciously I tried to keep space between us... how? by trying to push her away/off the bed... my bad. Lol.

I did get my fill of cuddle time though, so mission accomplished.

Its kind of weird having someone actually know about my gayness. I talked to Angel about Courtney a little bit. It was nice to have someone to talk to, someone I didn't have to lie to, and hide from. Both of them are really cool. And I wished I could've spent more time with them.