Tina

I told Tina.

Last weekend I decided to go up there. Second time i've gone all by myself. I told you I was gonna tell her, and I did. It took me all weekend to get it out, but I did.

I kind of let the beast out of the cage. It was still on a chain, but it definitely had some freedom. Saturday night was just the usual spooning/cuddlefest, except for one point during the night.. I was on my back, and she was curled up to my side, her head on my shoulder and her arm draped up my stomach. Not across, up. So her hand was resting on my chest, and she stroked/massaged my chest for a while. Felt So good.

Sunday morning however, was a different kind of story. We woke up cuddling, started talking, and we talked for a while, then the subject turned to dominance in a relationship, and I always make fun of Tina for this, cause she always tells me that she is usually the dominant one in relationships, we even had a few conversations where she was all "You can't top a top" Well... I CAN top a top. I take her wrist and pin it against the wall, and start to act all predatory. I crawl on top of her, and hover just about her lips, breathing her in, getting so close. She looks at me, and asks if I'm going to really do it. I get a hold of my beast, cause thats too far, I can't actually kiss her... But I end up kind of seducing her... a little bit. But her friend was coming over to go out for brunch, so it didn't get too far.

We went out for brunch, her friend had to go to work, so we went to the mall, just hung out, got some bubble tea. Bought the most comfortable shirt ever. Went to the asian food market. We were going home, and I could tell Tina was tired, I suggested we have a little nap before I have to drive home...

We didn't nap.

When we got back to her place, I made a joke about picking up where I left off that morning. Im a horrible person. I get her on her back and straddle her one leg, letting her feel my weight pressing into her hip, again, I give her the "you are my toy" look... And I def pick up where I left off. I set a time limit on it though, just so I don't get carried away. The worst part of this whole thing, was the fact that I had Tina convinced that I was still straight, and I was just doing this cause I loved to torture her. Which is mostly true, but I will admit... turned me on. But the timer went off, so I stopped cold. Wow that sucked. We started talking a bit, and I dared her to do to me when I was doing to her, for 10 seconds... Oh wow... DAMN. Best/worst 10 seconds of my life. It kind of made me feel bad that I was doing that to her. Cause it was so good... then bam, it stopped. UGH.

So... we kept on talking, we talked about Court, we talked about me... It was hard. And awkward, I didn't know what to say, how to say it. I asked her if she remembered the conversation we had the other weekend when she was drunk... she didn't, so I refreshed her memory.. yeah... she took it really well. I told her that I felt kind bad for lying to her about it, she understood. That is why I love Tina. She gets it.

So I left, LATE, driving home, I had a freak out. I just told someone. I just came out. What the hell was I thinking?!? I texted her and freaked out, she calmed me down, reassured me... And basically spent the whole ride home freaking out... not to mention the fact that I was so turned on I wanted to die. Ugh. She thinks she didn't turn me on. Silly Tina. Me being able to run my hands (and lips) all over her, then her turning on me, even if it was just a few moments... mmm.

So, I'm on my way out... but im more freaked out than out-out.

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This weekend i'm going back up. Ha. I was talking to Courtney and she was talking about how much she missed Tina, and I was all "well, you should have come with me last weekend" And she's like, "we could go right now." Pft, I'm gonna call that bluff.

She never comes, she always makes an excuse, backs out...

She wasn't bluffing.