So Pretty much, thats all I do, is cause people pain.
I thought it would be a good idea, fun even, to meet up with Angel and Jo. We are over each other, and we are mature enough to be friends, and since we were never really "a thing" she isn't really my ex, so I thought it would just be cool.
I forgot for a moment that Lesbians are crazy.
I have to hand it to Jo, she handled me like a champ... too bad she took it out on Angel though.
This is where things get sticky. To Jo- i'm "the other girl"... I make her jealous. I never meant to. I did everything in my power, aside from staying away, to make her not feel jealous... I didn't shower, didn't even brush my teeth, I showed up to breakfast in baggy shorts and an old rugby t-shirt, no make-up, no sleep, I looked like crap. I didn't pay any more attention than was required to Angel... And still, Jo was jealous, even though she KNOWS there is nothing between us.
A part of me really wanted to be friends with Jo, cause she is official the second real person that knows about me. Ugh, it was just so nice being around them, knowing that they knew, it just took a huge weight off me. I felt like I could just be myself around them. I didn't have to worry really about KT picking up on anything cause they understood, and she is just oblivious to stuff like that... Maybe I am being selfish wanting to be friends with Angel... |Its just nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff.
Its funny, I told KT that I knew Angel through rugby, lie, and that at one point in time Angel had a little crush on me, AND that Angel's girlfriend might beat me up cause she might be jealous... I suggested that KT pretend to be my girlfriend, just so Jo would be less jealous, but that might be a little tricky... So I decided against it. In retrospect, I almost wish I had gotten her to play along. Or I wish she didn't come along at all... Then we couldve talked openly about things... Oh well, whats done is done.
The hug killed me. WHY?! She didn't hug me when we first met, why should she hug me now? It was like watching someone stab Jo in the heart and twist the knife. I really felt bad. And apparently Jo is the jealous type, which, in small doses is kinda hot, but not this time...
I didn't really realize it but throughout the weekend, I had become "The Other Girl" ... KT and Claudia told me a few times to just stop texting Angel, but, I wouldn't listen... I just kept on texting her, I found out later that her and Jo had a pretty nasty fight. This made me feel worse about this whole thing, cause it was my fault. I should never have come. I should never had met up with them, i'm just a home wrecker.
Did this stop me? Oh, not really. Cause Angel was upset, she called me. We talked for two and a half hours... mostly about Jo. They love each other, I know this, and Jo shouldn't have to deal with me, its not fair. They need each other really... So, I was trying to make her understand that we couldn't really be friends, cause it hurt her girlfriend, and Jo is infinitely more important than I. She hated this, and didnt really get it, but she resolved to work things out with Jo.
A few days later, after I got home I was talking to her and Jo called, I kept telling her to not tell Jo when we were texting and talking, but she didn't listen, And every time she told Jo that it was me talking to her or texting her, I felt guilty. I knew she didn't like it, but she put up with it cause she respected Angel, so kudos to her. But I was done hurting her... I blocked Angel on facebook. She asked me if I was mad, and I said I was just helping her make a decision. I told her we should stop texting so much. It didn't have to be a goodbye, but I just needed to back off, and thats what I did. For the second time, I hurt Angel, said a sort of good bye... Im such a douche bag.
And its not really good bye, I don't want to lose her as a friend. I just don't know what I should do.
No comments:
Post a Comment