Theres more

I went back the next night. She was there. We continued to talk. She was avoiding studying for her bio exam. Cute. We decided to kill two birds with one stone so I helped her study. Bio was always one of my favorites, right up there beside math. We talked pretty late. And this became the pattern... I'd go on, she would show up, we'd talk until I practically fell asleep on my keyboard.
While I helped her study, I asked her questions and gave her imaginary points for right answers. She then tried to use these points to impress me. Cute. I made fun of her alot. And pretty much was a sarcastic jerk to her... but I enjoyed talking to her. It was def something I looked forward to everyday, I would be an ass, and she would let me. It was a great relationship. And then I screwed up again.
SO. By this time, my take on the relationship is that she is an entertaining friend. Thats all. Her take on it? Probably ask her, but my thoughts on her thoughts? That this was going somewhere. We were friends now, but maybe it would turn into something. She liked me. Like-Liked me... And the only time we hung out was in this chat room and people started to notice. One day, while im waiting around for Beep to show up, my life turns into one of those poorly written highschool drama shows where the jocks in the locker room start hasslin the quarterback about spending time with the art-geek...very John Tucker Must Die. Britt starts asking me about whats going on between myself and beep... I got defensive, she kept pushing it. SO- I did what any self(dis)respecting idiot would do. I said it was nothing, she meant nothing to me, she was just fun to make fun of, ect. And in true high school movie fashion, she happened to log on right as this conversation transpired.
She saw the whole thing. She 'ran away' to another chat room. Britt was hysterical. And the universe would do that to me. I chased her. And I panicked. I HATE hurting people. I would've done anything to change what had happened. I tried to explain what I said, and I apologized more than ever. ....we had a long talk. It involved a lot of grovelling. It was a long time ago, but I am pretty sure there was some begging for forgiveness too. Hours went by, and I used her feelings for me as an advantage... I was manipulative. I flirted until she forgave me. Which, looking back, was probably the worst thing I could do. ...to play with her feelings, just so I didn't lose someone that entertained me. It was really flattering how much she flirted with me. It made me feel good. But at the same time, it made me feel like dirt, cause I knew I didn't feel the same way. Anyway, we talked, and she ended up forgiving me, tenatively, but she did. Nearing the end of the conversation, I specified we were to be friends, and ONLY friends. And the rule I laid out, was that she was not to fall in love with me.
And I meant it. And not in the Walk-to-Remember-Shane-West-Mandy-Moore-I-told-you-not-to-love-me kind of way. I REALLY didn't want her to love me. I couldn't afford for her to fall for me. I didn't deserve for her to love me. She agreed to it. She said it, She didn't mean it, I knew she didn't mean it....