The Now

I don't really remember the real reason I started this blog... it was something like I just wanted someone to know and somewhere to vent... I think.

Then I found out she was reading it. It didn't change the way I wrote it...much. But I found a new purpose behind it.

The last conversation we had, she asked me how I could be so unfeeling... how I could not care that much... I just wanted her to know that I was a mess that night. And for a long time after. That's why I wouldn't let her call me. I was shaking and on the edge, and I'm sure if I actually talked to her, I'd break down. Not to take away from the pain I caused her...

She affected my life. And because I am the insensitive jerk I am, I thought she would just get over me. No ones ever given me a second thought, or really missed me, so it didn't even cross my mind that she would hang on for more than a couple of weeks.

I was wrong.

And I feel like a tool. And I'm sorry. I know it doesn't change anything. But I am.

I don't want dredge up old feelings, or memories. It's over, she's over me. And it should stay that way. I'm ok with it. There are some things I would want to talk to her about, but it wouldn't be beneficial to either of us. So I guess the question is where do we go from here?