The Beginning of The End

SO. She lied to me. About something that was CLEARY important. I mean, i sort of understood her keeping it from me on one level, cause I had spazzed about her being 18, and she was probably scared i'd call it quits if I knew how old she really was... but at the same time, its kind of the line between me being a cougar, and me being a pedophile. I will give her points though, for coming clean....after I called her on it...

It took a little bit, but I forgave her for it. But this was kind of the point where everything seemed to just spiral down. It made me really think about what I was doing. Here I am, trying to figure my crap out, I wasn't really looking for a relationship, and there she is, tryin her darndest to get me. Deep down I knew that I wouldnt go that way, I wouldnt ever actually be in a relationship with her, or anyone. That doesn't mean we wouldn't make out. But thats where it would end.

So, the next day, we have a little chit-chat type stuff, and then she asks me why im still talking to her. So, i try to explain it--
I like girls. I shouldnt. But I do. However, God seems to think I can get past this.
My problem with her is that I like her. I like talking to her, I like flirting with her, she is more or less on my mind alot.
First of all its wrong because she is a girl, Secondly, its wrong because she is 17,
Everytime I come on here, I wanted to 'break up with her' but i dont...not want- should/need
I shouldn't be talking to her
My other problem is this
I have severe intimacy issues, I do EVERYTHING within my power to keep people at a distance
none of that seemed to phase her
ive been a bitch to her from the beginning
ive was playing this game with her
and she kept effing coming
a part of me likes that
a bigger, stronger, more intimidating part of me hates that
and the point of that is this- I would just use her
And i feel bad because thats all i have done so far
shes been my entertainment, she has been my object of flirtation, she was a confidence boost
and ive gave nothing to her in return

So I told her all this, and she pauses for a moment and was like "you've done nothing for me"... she proceeded to tell me how I make her life better.

And im like...So I make you happy?

And then she says this. - i'm in love with you.

..............I then proceeded to have a little freak out.